How I Would Choose a Couples Therapist in Austin Tx

By Alena Neykova, LCSW, Couples Clinician & Clinical Director,

Union Station Therapy

We were there. We had decided on the need for couples therapy, and by the time we could agree on that much, we’d already waited far too long. I recognize that moment in many of the couples who call my practice. They’ve spent months deciding whether to get help. Now they’d like an appointment by Thursday.

Years can pass between the first signs of trouble and the first appointment. In one study, people who sought couples therapy reported that serious problems had been affecting their relationships for about two and a half years, on average. In that time, you can get so used to the way an argument goes that you know your next line before your partner has finished theirs. Doherty et al., 2021.

The fall into love can be quick. The fall out is slow it is more of a repeated stumble, and then eventually, suddenly very quick. You can spend years getting used to a little more distance, another conflict thinking it'll resolve itself, until one day its glaringly obvious by how far you've drifted. Help feels urgent. You open Google and find a directory, three group practices, and all sorts of letters after each name.

I think choosing a couples therapist is one of the more consequential decisions you can make in that moment. The help you find can change what you come to understand about each other and what you decide to do next. I know how difficult that search can be because I’ve made it myself. The experience had lasting consequences in my life. It’s part of why I built Union Station Therapy and why I still care so much about how couples find the help they need.

What people meant by clicking

Years later, during my graduate studies at the University of Toronto, I became interested in what actually makes therapy work. What happens in the room that creates a shift? Could we isolate the variables and understand what each one contributes? I went through the archives and research databases looking at what had been studied about therapist fit. Does it help to share a gender, an ethnic background, a faith, a set of values? What part does the therapist’s training play?

One result stood out in that search. A meta-analysis of 295 studies of adult psychotherapy found that people who had a stronger alliance with their therapist tended to do better. The relationship between alliance and outcomes held across different treatment approaches. Flückiger et al., 2018.

I also spent time reading Reddit threads where people asked how to find a good therapist or a good couples therapist. Many of the people answering had found the search just as murky and were trying to spare somebody else a few wrong turns. One word kept showing up in my notes. Click. People kept coming back to whether they’d clicked with the therapist.

Therapeutic alliance is what we therapists call the connection you form with the person you’re working with. In practice, it means you trust them enough to tell them what’s really going on and have some agreement about what you’re there to do together. Research can measure aspects of that connection, and a review of couples and family therapy studies found that stronger alliances were associated with better outcomes. In the room, it might feel as ordinary as being able to finish a sentence you usually swallow. In couples therapy, I pay attention to whether both people feel they have that room. Friedlander et al., 2018.

The dating app part

If you’ve ever tried dating on an app, you know how much you can learn about someone and still have no idea what it’ll feel like to sit across from them. You can filter for someone who shares your faith, read their answers twice, and send a screenshot to a friend. Eventually you have to go for dinner.

Therapist directories can feel like that. Shared values or a familiar background may help you feel understood, and you’re allowed to care about those things. I’d also borrow a habit from dating. Decide on your nonnegotiables before you start scrolling. For couples therapy, here are mine.

What I would look for before booking

First, check the license. In Austin, I’d look up the clinician through the Texas licensing board. You’ll see marriage and family therapists, professional counselors, psychologists, and clinical social workers, among others. As an LCSW, I was trained to pay attention to what’s happening around a couple as well as between them. Work, money, health, and the families you came from all come into the room with you.

Then ask what they’ve trained to do. I’d look for specialized training in an approach such as the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy. If someone lists Gottman training, ask which of Levels 1, 2, and 3 they’ve completed. If you’re coming in after an affair, ask about training in treating affairs and trauma and how often they do that work. A therapist might use a structured assessment to learn where you get stuck, then choose exercises or a different approach as the work unfolds. That’s how we use several methods at Union Station Therapy.

Ask what their week actually looks like. “What percentage of your practice is couples?” is a fair question. In couples therapy, the argument you’ve been describing can start right there in the room, usually before either of you has finished giving the background. The therapist has to follow what’s happening between you and help both of you stay in the conversation. In Austin, couples and relationship work are the focus of our practice. I’d want to know how often any therapist I was considering sits with two people doing that work.

On the consultation call, ask what the first few sessions would look like and how the therapist makes room for the partner who tends to say less.

Finding affordable couples therapy in Austin

If you’re searching for affordable couples therapy in Austin, Texas, I’d ask about cost on the first call. If you expect to meet weekly for a while, work out what that will cost in a typical month and whether you can keep it up.

Unfortunately, insurance plans can limit the kinds of couples therapy they’ll cover. At Union Station Therapy, we offer affordable couples therapy options and try to make care more accessible by offering reduced rates where we can, based on the therapist’s level of training and experience. Ask about reduced-rate sessions with associate therapists, sliding-scale openings.

Notice how you feel with them

Try a little of what we practice in therapy. Pause and observe how you feel. Do I feel comfortable with this person? Do I like them? Could they be a thought partner for us? Do I trust their judgment and the way they think enough to let them guide us through a difficult time?

That last question matters in couples therapy. A therapist might interrupt you, press you on something you’ve said, or spend more time with your partner’s side of the story. From where you’re sitting, it can feel like they’ve picked a side. I’d want to be able to say so and see how they respond. Can I still trust their judgment in a moment when I don’t particularly like them?

After the call, compare notes. What did each of you feel comfortable saying? What did you hold back? You may have had two quite different experiences of the same fifteen minutes call.

Reach out while you still have some room

If you’re starting to notice a problem you keep circling back to, or you already have the feeling you could use some help, I’d take that feeling seriously. Make the call while you still have some room to think. It’s easier to get curious about how a pattern starts when you’re still catching it in the act. By the time a crisis supplies the motivation, you may have had years of practice doing it the same way.